yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
