Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
