You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
