she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
