I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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