A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need water and some morals
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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