Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
