i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize