I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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