idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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