so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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