turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
