Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
