Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
