I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
