I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Couch. On fire.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize