the day after is always just damage control
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
