just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do vagina's smell?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
