She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
