I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
