I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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