I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
