just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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