Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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