My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize