i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
