Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
