walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
