I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
