Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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