Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
