dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
