Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
