Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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