So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
