What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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