i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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