I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
