I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
