Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
