He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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