maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
