You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
