went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
