Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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