I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
