I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
