I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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