HIV tests are more positive than that guy
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
