didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
