i already hear my dad disowning me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize