OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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