dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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