When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
