Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
