I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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