My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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