A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
