So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
