Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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