the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
