just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize