Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
