Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
