I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
