Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
